


Angel in Heaven

by Keith_the_Kogane



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Depression, Gen, Implied Bullying, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Other, Pre-Voltron: Legendary Defender, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-04-15 01:59:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14149479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keith_the_Kogane/pseuds/Keith_the_Kogane
Summary: Katie Holt. She was such a sweet girl, she always wore a smile. She made her family’s day bright just by walking into a room.And now, all the Holt’s have to remember Katie by, are memories.





	1. The Day After

_6:30 AM_

This was the time Matt normally woke up for school. Usually he would be up and ready, and he was always in charge of waking his younger sister, Katie.

But not today.

Matt didn’t want to get up today. He had barely slept the night before, and he was so tired from crying all night. He was always such a bright boy, and he was always fine with getting up in the mornings. But today, he didn’t feel up to doing that.

His mother had already called him out of school the night before, and his father had called out of work so he could spend time with his family. The Holt family had just gone through a tragedy.

They had just lost their daughter to suicide the night before.

The thought of that makes Matt cringe. He could vividly remember walking down the hall to get a cup of water, and he had heard the bathtub running. He knew very well that his parents were fast asleep, and so that meant it was Katie in the bathtub.

_“Katie!” Matt called out. “It’s 12:30 in the morning! What are you doing in the shower?” Matt remembers he got no response, and he frowned. “If you don’t come out, I’m gonna get mom! She won’t be happy to see you awake!”_

_Matt still got no response. He raised a brow, “I’m getting Mom!” He waited to see if Katie said anything in response, and he rolled his eyes before quickly going to his parent’s bedroom. He didn’t want to wake his father, so he tried to be quiet as he could be._

Matt was curled up on his bed, with a piece of paper clutches tightly to his chest. It was a note, from Katie. It was Katie’s suicide note.  
Matt could feel the tears forming in his eyes once more, and he had a heavy feeling in his chest. A feeling that he absolutely dreaded. “Kate..” he whispered. “Please.. let this be a nightmare.. I wanna wake up..” Matt whimpered out tearfully, and he let out a small cry as he shut his eyes tightly.  
“Matt..?” A gentle voice calls. His father’s voice calls.  
Matt sniffles, and he looked to the door, to see his father, Sam, standing there with a sad and dull look on his face. Sam slowly walked in, and he went and sat on the bed. He said nothing, but he opened his arms, offering a hug to Matt. Matt put the note on the side-table, and he crawls into his father’s arms, and he felt Sam’s arms wrap around him. Matt hid his face in Sam’s shoulder, and he started to wail, and all Sam did was sit in silence. What was he expected to say? What had happened left everyone shocked and speechless. There were no words to describe what happened.

_“Mom!” Matt’s voice called quietly, and he shook his mother, Colleen, quietly. He heard her groan softly, and she groggily looks up at Matt. “Matthew.. what are you doing awake..?” She asked, and she clearly wasn’t pleased to see Matt waking her. “Katie’s awake.” Matt started to say. “And she’s taking a shower.” Colleen groans softly, and she rubs her eyes as she sat up quietly. “Alright.. let’s go get her..” Colleen scooted off the side of the bed, and she rose to her feet as she walked out the door, Matt quietly trailing behind her._

After what seemed like hours, Matt had finally managed to stop crying, and he was still in Sam’s arms. “Better..?” Sam asked in a quiet tone as he rubbed Matt’s back in gentle and soothing circles. Matt shakily say up, and he looked at Sam in the eyes. Matt’s eyes used to be so bright and full of life, so cheerful and warm. But now? They were dull and blank. “I don’t think I’ll ever be better, dad..” he whispered. “I want Katie back.. I want my baby sister back..”  
Sam frowned deeply and sadly, “I know.. we all do..” He mummers. “And what you saw.. nobody can blame you for how you’re feeling.. and you don’t have to go back to the Garrison until you’re ready.” Sam assured softly, and Matt looked away from him.

_“Katie!” Colleen called as she knocked on the bathroom door. “I’m not saying it again, if you don’t get out in three seconds, I’m coming in!” There was silence. “One…” Silence. “Two..” More silence. “Three..!” Colleen slams the door open, “Katie, what a-“ she looks into the bathroom, and she sees Katie in the tub. The water was a dark red, and it was flowing onto the bathroom floor, and Katie’s wrist was cut open. Katie’s face was pale and her body was limp, and one hand was just barely hanging onto a razor blade that she held in her hand, and the arm that was cut was limply laying on the side of the bathtub. Colleen felt sick to her stomach at the sight, and she ran in with a blood-curdling scream. “KATIE!” She cried as she sprinted over to the bathtub. She felt tears form in her eyes, and she started to sob as she tries to drag Katie’s body from the tub._  
_Matt looked in the bathroom at the sound of a shriek, and his eyes widened at what he saw. “Oh god..” he whispered as he covered his mouth with his hand. He was frozen with shock, with fear. That was his little sister, that was her limp body. “Colleen! Matthew!” Matt heard his father’s footsteps pounding against the floor, and he faintly heard the sobs of her mother. His world was starting to crash._

“She didn’t deserve it..” Matt whispered, and it caught Sam’s attention. “Katie didn’t deserve any of the shit she got at school.. she didn’t deserve any of the pain she felt..” he felt a strong emotion bubble up inside of him. Not sadness, but anger. Matt was angry at the world for being cruel enough to push a twelve-year-old to suicide. He was a angry at Katie’s friends for not being by her side when Katie needed them most. Matt was mad at his parents for not noticing sooner, and he was just as angry with himself for not being able to do anything to help her. “And none of us did anything to fucking help her..!” Matt weakly yelled, and he felt a sob bubble up in his throat, but he didn’t feel any tears. “Katie’s dead.. and it’s all our fault.. and we can pretend like it isn’t all we want.. but I know it’s our fault..” Matt slowly pulled his knees to his chest, and he hugged them tightly as he rested his forehead in his knees. Sam wasn’t the least bit mad Matt’s cursing or yelling, he saw something that no nineteen-year-old should have to see. Matt was grieving, everyone in that house was feeling just how Matt is.  
The Holt’s has lost their Katie. They lost their daughter, a sister, their world. 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Let This be a Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takashi Shirogane, or Shiro, is very close with the Holt's. Especially Matt and Katie. Now, Shiro had to find out that the girl he found like a little sister, was gone.

"Shiro?" A tearful voice called from the doorway of Shiro's bedroom. 

Shiro looked up from his papers and to the door at the sound of his mother's distressed voice. He furrowed his eyebrows, "mom?" He said. "What's wrong?"   
Shiro knew that there was something off about today. He had tried texting Matt multiple times, but he got no response. He was left on seen every time he tried to say something, so after the third text, he gave up. Shiro didn't think much of it, it could very well be that Matt was busy, or simply not in the mood to talk, so Shiro tried not to worry too much. After texting Matt and getting no response, Shiro tried to text Katie, but saw that her number had been disconnected, and that was something that made Shiro concerned, but he still tried to keep calm. But now, seeing his mother's red eyes, and hearing her broken voice, Shiro was more than just worried, he was scared. 

Shiro's mother walks in, and she closes the door behind her. "Sweetheart.." She started, and her mouth opened, but no words came out at first. Shiro could feel his heart beating faster and faster by the minute. "Please.. sit down.." His mother requested, and Shiro obediently went and sat down on his bed. He felt the mattress dip under his weight, and his mother came over and sat next to him. She put a gentle hand on his arm, and Shiro bit his lip before speaking up. "Mom, what's wrong?" He asked again, and he waited for a response. 

Shiro's mother was a very stotic person, she wasn't one to cry unless something was wrong.  _Very_ wrong. And that's how Shiro knew that something had pushed her to tears, but he didn't know what. 

"Shiro.." His mother began again, and she seemed to pause for a moment. What Shiro didn't know is that his mother had some news that was devastating, and that she was trying to find the right words to say. "Something happened last night.." She continued, and she kept pausing in between her sentences. "Mom.. please.. just tell me." Shiro pleaded with his mother to just get on with it, and Shiro's mother swallowed hard before she nodded. 

"Shiro... Katie's dead.." His mother whispered out, and Shiro's grey eyes widened. "What.." He whispered. How could this be? Shiro had went to the Holt's a few days ago, and Katie was alive and well. She wasn't sick, or injured, or anything. Shiro's mother knew that because Shiro was older, she would be able to explain what happened without scaring him. "Last night.. at 12:30 AM, Katie took her own life.." Shiro's mother told him, and Shiro could feel tears forming in his eyes. There was a heavy feeling in his chest that he absolutely despised. 

Shiro could remember going over to the Holts and seeing Katie, and she looked so happy and cheerful. He tried to think back to that day, nothing seemed off. 

_"Hey, Shiro!" The cheerful voice of Matt chirped, as Sam let Shiro in. Everything seemed pretty normal in the Holt household. Matt was sitting on the couch, and Colleen was preparing lunch in the kitchen. Sam had his laptop out on the table, he must have been doing something for the Garrison. Katie was nowhere to be seen._

Shiro replayed that moment over and over in his head, and that's when he remembered that Katie hadn't been downstairs when he first came in. She was upstairs, and Shiro was positive that the only reason that she came downstairs was because Matt went up and got her. When she came downstairs, she had on long sleeves, and she had on a black shirt as well. He knew that this was nothing odd, because Katie was seen to be wearing long sleeves more often, but there was something else that was off. Shiro noticed that her eyes were red and puffy, and her face seemed to be a bit pale. Katie looked broken, but when she saw Shiro, she but on a grin that Shiro now knows was fake.   
"Katie..." Shiro whispered, and all his mother did was hug him tightly. "No.. no, no, no!" Shiro started to break out into tears, and his mother pulled him close as he started to sob. There was no way to comfort Shiro, there was no way to make grieving any easier. Katie had commit suicide, she made that choice, and it hurt everyone. 

Shiro now understands why Matt didn't answer his texts, and he honestly couldn't blame him. Shiro lost someone like a sister, but Matt actually lost a sister. He didn't think that in a million years that Katie would be pushed to this, he didn't think that Katie would want to leave so early. But now she was gone. 

 


	3. Her Last Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katie's final words to everyone. One piece of paper, it's her final goodbye.

It's been twelve hours after the suicide of Katie Holt. The Holt family has been hurting for twelve hours straight. 

And nobody had the courage to look at the letter that Katie had left. Not even Matt could bring himself to unfold the paper that he's been clutching to his chest. The only reason he was clinging to it, was because on this paper, his little sister's last words were on there, and he couldn't let it go. Not yet. Katie wrote on this paper, she wrote down her final words so somebody would hear her, and finally listen to her. Matt was there to listen now.

Matt managed to find the energy to sit up. He had cried himself out before when his dad came to check on him a few hours ago, and then the feeling of grief and despair washed over him. He didn't find the strength to get up from the spot he had curled up in before, but he finally managed to do it. He glanced at the folded up paper that he had put on the side table that was next to his bed, and he inhaled deeply. Did he want to read the letter just yet? Matt bites his lip, and he slowly reached over, and he grabbed the folded up letter. 

Time to see what Katie's last words were. 

Matt shakily looks at the folded up paper, and he slowly opens it. In the letter was Katie's handwriting, but it seemed spiky, as if she had been shaking while writing it, and he starts to read the spiky handwriting. 

_ To anyone that may be reading this _ _ Im sorry.. Im so sorry. I’m apologizing to my friends, my family, everyone I left. But I can’t do this anymore, I can’t take the pain. I’ve tried everything so I could feel better. I’ve tried crying it out, I’ve tried to be happy, but nothing ever helped. I was smiling, but it was never real. I just wanted to make you guys happy.  _

_ Everyone in my family knows that I’ve been teased at school, but I never seemed to let it get to me. I always said it was just harmless teasing, but it was more. I was just too scared to tell you. I was always pushed, and hurt. Any time I came home with a new bruise, I would always say that I fell. I lied, and I’m sorry. _

_ To my family, I love you guys, so much, and I’m going to miss you a lot. You were the best family in the world, and I’m sorry for the pain that I caused, and I know what I’m doing is selfish, but I don’t know what else I can do.. I’m done with hurting, and cutting myself, and pretending like everything’s okay. I love you guys, and I’m going to see you again, okay? I love you. And I’ll miss you. _

_ Goodbye _

_ Katie _

Matt read the letter, and there were tears in his eyes as he read it. "Katie.." He whispered, and he let out a choked sob. Tears ran down his cheeks, as he mourns the loss of his sister. Everything that was in that letter was the things that Katie was never able to say. The Holts always assumed that she was happy, she always had on such a bright smile, she never seemed to be upset. They never asked if she was okay, and this was what happened. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you..!" Matt wailed, and he slowly laid back down on his side as he sobbed. He felt like such a horrible brother, Katie was hurting, and he wasn't doing anything to help her. Every fight they had, every insult he may have thrown at Katie in the heat of an argument, was just what she needed when she was going through so much already. 

Matt wasn't able to hear the footsteps approaching his door, and he wasn't able to hear the person at his door coming in. "Oh, Matt.." A soft voice called, Colleen's voice called. She walked over to the sobbing boy, and her own eyes were red and puffy. There were tear stains on Colleen's cheeks, she had been crying, just like Matt.

Colleen sits on the bed, and she lays down in front of Matt. She then wrapped her arm around him, and she pulled him close, and she felt a hot tear of her own run down her cheek. Matt hid his face in Colleen's shoulder, and he started to wail into her. "K-Katie...!" He cried as Colleen rubbed his back in soothing circles, and she kissed the top of Matt's head. "I want her b-ack!" Colleen shushed him gently, and she too was teared up. "I know, baby.. I do too..." Colleen whispered, and she sniffled. 

Colleen lost her baby girl, her angel, and Matt lost his little sister. The whole family lost Katie, and they were all hurting. The last thing they would get from Katie, are her last words, on that piece of paper. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already know what the next chapter is going to be about, so I hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> ~Lynn


	4. Falling Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's one thing that Matt wants in his life. He wants it all to end, so maybe he'll be able to see his baby sister once again.

The tears never seem to stop. The pain will never go away, and no matter what Matt does, feeling better isn't an option. 

He broke down at Katie's funeral, he was a sobbing mess when that happened. He remembers his mother pulled him close and let him cry, and even Shiro and his mother were there. All he felt that day was pain, all he did that day was hurt. 

And now the only thing Matt feels is numb. 

It's been nearly a week since Katie commit suicide, and ever since the funeral, all Matt's wanted to do is die. He knows it's a selfish thing to think about, but he feels like it's the one thing he'll  _always_ think about, and he feels it's the one thought that will never leave his mind.

Matt even tried it once. On Saturday, four days after Katie's funeral, and six days after her death, he tried it.

He planned it all out. He got the water bottle, the last thing he felt he would ever take. He got the pills ready, and he wrote his note. He wrote down his last words numbly, and his normally neat handwriting was shaky. But something stopped him. 

Matt wasn't sure what it was that stopped him. Maybe it was knowing that he was going to leave his family, maybe it was because he knew that it would be selfish to just end it barely a week after what happened to Katie. He's not sure, but he does know that when he held those small tablets in his hands, all fifteen of them. He was going to take them one by one, just so he could say goodbye to the world one last time. But he didn't put them in his mouth, no matter how much he wanted to. Instead, he forced himself to stop what he was doing, and he stood from the desk he was sitting in and went to the bathroom, flushing the pills down the drain, with tears dripping down his face. 

He wasn't sure why he was crying though. He didn't feel sad, but he felt numb. Maybe they were numb tears, the ones he didn't know he forgot to let out. This week was an emotional rollercoaster for everyone, and it took an impact on Matt. 

He was falling apart. 

Then there was one other thing that made him regret even trying to end it. That same night of the day that Matt tried to kill himself, he heard crying coming from his parents' bedroom. They must have thought that he was asleep, because he's never heard things like that before. He sat up in his bed, and he stayed still and silent. he was able to hear everything clearly, and he was able to hear his mother's sobbing from his room. 

 _"She's gone.."_ He had heard her whisper.  _"Katie always seemed so happy.. she always but on a smile.. But we missed it. And now our daughter's dead, and it's all our fault.."_ Matt recalls hearing his father shush Colleen, and her cries suddenly became muffled.  _"It isn't our faults. But it is someone else's fault.. Someone did push Katie to this, because we both know that she wouldn't do something like this without a reason."_ Sam had said, and while he tried to keep his voice quiet, Matt had been able to hear it. And it sounded broken, as if he was about to cry. 

 _"She always said she was getting teased at school.. She always came home with bruises.. but she never told us where she got those bruises, and all the times she's said that it was nothing, it was something.."_ Colleen's muffled voice sobbed.  _"W-what if we lose Matt too..?"_ Matt felt his heart shatter at that. He was so happy he didn't end it that day, or this might have been a lot worse.  _"We're going to prevent that from happening, I promise."_ That was the last thing that Matt was able to understand, when a wave of exhaustion washed over him, and he slowly laid down. 

The only thing he was able to hear that night as he was falling asleep, was his mother's sobbing. That's when he realized that his family, his life. 

It was falling apart.  


	5. I'm sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I knew that this was a selfish thing to do. 
> 
> I knew people would hurt when this was all over, but I figured all that out when it was too late. If I could take it back.. I would.
> 
> But when all this happened, I already gave life a try. Multiple tries, actually. But I couldn't take it anymore. The kids at school were horrible. They would never leave me be. The girls pushed me, spread rumors about me, always put me down. It was slowly killing me inside. And then the boys joined in too, and that hurt too.
> 
> Nobody understands why I did what I did, they never will. They'll all have their own opinions. Some might think that I was just a poor little girl who was bullied to death, while others might think that I shouldn't have been so selfish and ended it all and hurt the people I loved, and they think that I should have talked about it. But it isn't that easy, anyone who feels how I feel, anyone who understands what I'm going through, would know that.

I knew that this was a selfish thing to do. 

I knew people would hurt when this was all over, but I figured all that out when it was too late. If I could take it back.. I would.

But when all this happened, I already gave life a try. Multiple tries, actually. But I couldn't take it anymore. The kids at school were horrible. They would never leave me be. The girls pushed me, spread rumors about me, always put me down. It was slowly killing me inside. And then the boys joined in too, and that hurt too.

Nobody understands why I did what I did, they never will. They'll all have their own opinions. Some might think that I was just a poor little girl who was bullied to death, while others might think that I shouldn't have been so selfish and ended it all and hurt the people I loved, and they think that I should have talked about it. But it isn't that easy, anyone who feels how I feel, anyone who understands what I'm going through, would know that. 

I remember laying in that bathtub. My arms stung so much, and as the crimson dripped down my arm and into the water, I just leaned back and shut my eyes. I wanted to die every single day until that moment. I had no purpose in this world, I was only everyone's personal punching bag. And my school, my family, they would have done better off without someone as worthless and stupid as me. The tears ran down my face like teardrops dripped down windows in a storm, and I couldn't seem to stop them for so long. I don't know why I was crying, I wasn't even sad at first. Maybe they were tears of numbness, because that's all I felt. 

I wanted to die every waking moment, and I still wanted to when I went to sleep. Waking up was a struggle, but my brother always thought that I was just being difficult. He would always say, "Kathrine, you have three seconds to get up, or I'm telling mom!" And that would normally wake me up in an instant. The only reason I woke up to that was because I didn't need to bother mom, I didn't need to be even more annoying. But Matt just thought that I didn't want to get in trouble, and that caused me to stop being so difficult. But I wasn't being difficult. I was depressed. I wanted to lay in bed all day, and I didn't want to move. To breathe. I felt like I was being held down by heavy weights, that were trying to press me to the bed. That's why waking up was so hard.

I remember trying to find ways to actually forget about the emotional pain. What I resorted to wasn't the best thing, but it was all I felt I had. That razor blade that I managed to get my hands on was all I felt I had. I hid it with long sleeves, and I never got any questions about it. I wasn't sad when I did that either, I still felt numb. I didn't think that this was going to work, but it was all I had. 

I did cry when those girls pushed me into the walls. When they hit and kicked me with all the strength they had, when they took and destroyed my stuff. I cried because that made everything worse. There was one girl in particular that I blame for all of this, Jessica Adams. Her little minions hurt me, and she got others to play along, but she was worse. She had social media, and she was on everyone's good side. She could do whatever she wanted. I hope she knows that she's a stuck-up bitch, and I would love to say that to her face. 

But I can't. A dead girl can't speak. 

I was never listened to. There was a time when I tried telling someone about it, at school and at home, but I was told that they were too busy, and when I tried to tell them that this was something serious, I was just snapped at. That's why I wrote the note. Maybe somebody will finally listen to me, or maybe they'll burn the note and forget about me. I'm not sure. 

But if there was one thing that I could say, it would be, I regret this. 

I want to go back in time, I want to give life another shot. I don't like to see my family in pain. I remember laying in that tub, and a few seconds before death, I realized that I made a horrible mistake, but it was too late. I opened my mouth to speak, but I was slowly drifting away, so I couldn't say or do anything else. I accepted my fate, and in that moment, I didn't want to die. 

But it was too late. 

And I'm sorry. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I decided to do Katie's point of view. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and sorry for taking such a long break!
> 
> ~Kai

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys liked chapter one! I hope to see you in the next chapter!  
> I plan on making the next chapter either the Shirogane’s reaction to Katie’s death, or a flashback of a factor that pushed Katie to her limits. I’m not so sure yet.  
> ~Lynn


End file.
